i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
