apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
