CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
