There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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