I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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