Soap is not a condiment
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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