This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
