I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
is that a dick in a sweater?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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