Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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