I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
