I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
