i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
