i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
