That reminds me...we need to get swords
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
