He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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