So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We need to rekindle our bromance
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
