Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
