So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
