Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
