Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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