there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
