I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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