you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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