Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
