I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
did i walk over a car last night?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
