how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she peed on how many people?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
