i need an iv and a liver transplant
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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