I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
