I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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