and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
