I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
