Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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