I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
