the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Found the puke drawer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
