i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
