I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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