people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
