it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
