Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
