I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
