i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I still have a little drunk in my system
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
