I CAN MOONWALK!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Randomize
