in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
