Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
