Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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