i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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