Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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