Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
