my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
