I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I know her cup size but not her name....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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